pre-school

two weeks before fletcher started school, we began talking to him about it and getting him used to the idea of him going. he'd be making new friends and doing projects...and, that i would leave him there while he learned new stuff and played with his friends. most of the time he handled it rather well. on occasion, he told adam and i that he didn't want to go, or that he wanted us to stay because he'd be scared.

i was loving the idea of a few hours with only one kid. i was making lists of chores i'd get done, projects to do with brynlee, thirty-one work that would get accomplished. and let me tell you, the tears of that first day, NOTHING got accomplished.

i woke up with the alarm clock that morning...never happens...and fletcher was already awake. he wanted to get dressed right away and put his new 'tool' shoes on. after trying to redirect him a few times to eat breakfast first, i finally agreed. after getting dressed, breakfast eaten and cleaned up, teeth brushed, i was sitting there with time to kill and thinking that 'this is really hard on me'. i had walked away from little boy's excitement a few times because i had to hide my tears. i didn't want him to see me crying. what if his mood changed because of me? i put my big jackie o's on a good 5 minutes before walking out the door.

my father-in-law was here doing some home repairs, so he kindly watched brynlee for me while i took fletcher to school. by this point, i knew it would be hard dealing with her, my emotions and the possible release of a little boy. i was fine all the way to school, until i turned into the parking lot. i lost it. he knew. but i played it off. we got out of the car, and walked up the sidewalk to his classroom door. the teachers were waiting inside to help with the first day attachment issues. i knew i had to let him do things by himself, so he walked in, found his hook and hung up his backpack, all while i took a few pictures and snuck out of the room with tears rolling down my face. i did it, kinda. and so did my little BIG boy, with a smile on his face.

i only cried a few more times in that two and a half hours he was gone. i set the alarm on my phone so i wouldn't be late picking him up, but there was no way i would have been because the only thing i did was look at the clock. i talked to my sister, adam and my FIL, and each time, there were a few tears that snuck out of the corner of my eyes.

i took pictures of his first day of school. some ridiculous ones, but precious to this momma. i won't get that day back. there are a few things that i would have done differently if i knew i was going to be such a sap, but in the end, i'm happy how that morning went. i am happy to report that there have been zero tears from me or little boy since that morning of the first day of school. he's singing songs and making projects and today, he wants 'to go on a bear hunt.'