not your average birthday

i was dreading my birthday this year. ever since i turned 30, i've kinda hated my birthday. no real reason other than being another year older. people like to celebrated 'me' and i enjoy it, but then it all hits me that i'm  'getting old'. 

yesterday was one of those emotional days. i was getting 'old' and we were awaiting some news that had the possibility of not being happy. brynlee and i were at my mom and dad's house since the boys were hunting, so i was hoping i would be able to hold it together a bit better, but NO. brynlee has hit the terrible two stage a few months early and was being an absolute terror. adam was coming to deliver fletcher, take me out for lunch and then head out of town for the week on a work trip, so i would be doing some single parenting. oh, and we were waiting for 'the phone call'. 

adam and i enjoyed a nice lunch at applebee's and he got me a kindle fire, on top of the new laptop he had already given me. once we got back to the house, my mom and fletcher had made cupcakes while we were gone, which was a nice surprise. and she had a nice package wrapped, waiting for me...a magic bullet blender.  i said good-bye to adam and about 10 minutes later, my sister was calling. i could tell from the questions my mom was asking, that it wasn't good news. 

after kicking icky cancer's butt once, camryn was going to have to do it again. this time, the spots are small and her body is 'healthy' and strong. the team of doctors already have a plan set out for treatment, so she was admitted last night and began chemo. she tolerated it well and was doing great today and is going home to do the rest of the treatment at home. 

with all the attitude, spunk and strength this little girl has, i have no doubt she'll be whoopin' some ass once again. 

. 

so, with that news, the joy that i was allowing to fill the day, was drastically stomped to the floor. in 33 years, i've never celebrated a birthday so sad. a redo is in place for next year, where i will be celebrating 33 again, with only good news allowed. 

fletch update-2

fletcher had a speech session last tuesday with ms. diane. right around 3:30, a different car showed up in the drive. i thought it was the new coordinator arriving a bit early to sit in on a session with fletcher. once ms. diane pulled in, the two got out of their cars and came to the house. fletcher greeted them at the door, like he usually does. the new lady introduced herself and ironically, she is a diane as well. they came in diane1 sat on floor and began doing what she does and diane2 sat and observed. daycare boy's dad came so i had to step out for a few minutes, but when i came back in the room, diane2 began asking me a few questions. she was asking about his words, how many he has and how he says them. diane1 and i were asking him to do different things and different questions so he would 'talk' for diane2, so she could hear him and understand what diane1 and myself have told her about him. at this point, diane2 was referring to lip sounds, throat sounds and tongue sounds, and how they each have to do with the way fletcher says certain words. while he was playing, she noted that his cognitive behavior is right on with his age by how he was playing and that she would say this speech issue is one of two things: his hearing or the relay from brain to mouth. she did go on to say that she was a speech pathologist and that she would probably be joining the team, which means he would probably get an additional two days of services. i was pretty thrilled about that and asked when this would happen, because additional one-on-one help would be beneficial for him. she told me that it would be written into his IFSP at the 6 month evaluation, but if i wanted the meeting sooner, i could request that for early october. i am quite confident that i'll be making that request the next time diane1 shows up on september 15th.

it was a pretty boring session, however, i did get a few questions answered and some good news for the future. i just hope fletcher continues to move forward with his progress and that eventually everything clicks and he gets the whole talking thing. very few people understand what i am going through, but i would almost do anything to hear him ask 'why' a hundred times a day, or to say something completely off the wall that has me rolling on the floor laughing. instead, each day, we repeat ourselves over and over to him and do the word activities that ms.diane gives us to reinforce his letter and word sounds.

adam and i can tell that his speech has improved since we started this, but sometimes we don't feel like he is making the strides he should be. he does have a list of about 35-40 words he has used, unprompted, but he doesn't use all of them on a regular basis. he can be pretty stubborn and unwilling to communicate or say stuff that we know he can. he just looks at us and laughs or shakes his head no and says, 'oh', which is 'no' to fletcher. my strong-willed, stubborn, little boy is definitely in that terrible two stage and let's us know what he wants, whether he talks or not. i guess i should be happy we can understand him as much as we do.